How To Avoid Destroying Your Self Confidence

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A man with his head in his hands

Build Self Confidence

Self confidence can be incredibly difficult to have and maintain. There are periods of time where it wanes and grows depending on our circumstances, but it is something that we all work on continuously, whether we know it or not. 

What you might not know is that our everyday actions can actually put us in a position to destroy it. What we’ve worked so hard to develop can actually be hindered by other actions that we take day to day. These are things that everyone does from time to time – if not all the time – and it is time to manage the behaviors. Your psyche will thank you for it! 

Don’t Overuse Social Media

There are many reasons that people use social media. It connects us with long-lost friends, keeps us in touch with family on the other side of the world, allows us to be closer to celebrities and companies, and lets us share what is going on in our lives with others. That said, it can also be absolutely detrimental to your happiness and self-esteem.

Social media is often images of people’s best moments. Celebrities and influencers don’t wake up looking flawless any more than you do. They still have to do things like shave their legs and deal with acne, but that isn’t what you’re seeing. You see your friend’s trip to somewhere exotic, a beautifully filtered photo of someone’s house renovation and the work promotions that it seems like so many people are receiving.

By being on social media, we compare our everyday lives to other people’s beautiful moments. Making these comparisons easily hinders our own self confidence. We aren’t seeing the fights someone had with their spouse, the cellulite on their bodies, the exhaustion that someone is feeling or the other 89 photos that were taken before that perfect one you saw. We see perfection – and it’s impossible to compare one’s real life with perfection. Which is why social media can be dangerous.

Limit your time on social media and remind yourself that the photos and posts you are seeing are a very small piece of the life this person lives. 

Don’t Take Things Too Personally

One of the biggest reasons that people tear themselves down or think they’re not important, good enough or successful enough is because they are taking things too personally. There are so many things that we take personally that either we shouldn’t or were not even intended the way we took them.

There are two major items to remember when you find yourself taking something personally. First, when people show you who they are believe them. You cannot expect someone to be something they are not or hope to change them. If they are someone who hurts you, it is time to see that is the case and move on. If you don’t, you are choosing your consequences.

Second, you wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they did. The truth is that most people think about us far less than we expect. People are likely not gossiping behind your back or worried about the shirt you wore to work today. They are too busy worrying that you will notice that they didn’t wash their hair today or that their sock has a hole.

We are all far more preoccupied with ourselves than we are with other people, so try not to take too many things to heart. Brush them off as best you can and remember to try to grow from the experience so that next time will be even easier. 

Stop Striving for Perfection And Approval

If you are striving for perfection, you are fighting a losing battle. No one is perfect and you will never get everyone’s approval. People are dealing with their own issues and may see the world differently from you. Instead of looking for everyone’s approval, try thinking about those few people that truly matter to you. Are they proud of you? Are you proud of yourself? Sometimes, that is all you really need.

We strive for perfection because we compare ourselves to others and think that we are either not good enough or that they are better, whether our reasoning makes sense or not. Do yourself a favor and instead of comparing yourself to someone else, compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. Be proud of your own successes and happiness that you create every day. 

Stop Involving Yourself in Drama

Drama takes a lot out of people and can suck you in very quickly. It may not be your intention, but you can find drama everywhere, whether you are looking or not. Your workplace, the children’s schools, your family, the news, politics, social media – drama is right there for you to grab onto.

Do what you can to distance yourself as often as you can. If watching the news is too much, limit what you watch. If you and a family member have constant conflict, do your best to see them at holidays and keep up with them on social media (or don’t). Do what you can do to set boundaries for yourself. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself feeling worse about yourself and watching your self confidence and stability plummet. Let other people deal with the drama if they choose. You have better things to do. 

Stop Hiding Yourself

There are many ways of hiding in life – and chances are, you’re doing a few of them. Whether you are hiding from success, opportunities, change, growth, relationships or anything else, you are keeping yourself down.

Putting yourself in a position to be more vulnerable is always uncomfortable, but the opportunities could pay out in spades. Don’t hold yourself back from what you could be. Try to get out there and grow. Let others know the person that you know you are, but are afraid to show. The things that make you strange are the things that make you powerful, so just because you don’t fit the mold you have created in your mind doesn’t mean that you aren’t fantastic. Do yourself and the world a favor and build your confidence by showing people who you are. 

While many of us get in the habit of protecting our loved ones and friends, we often forget to protect ourselves. You cannot effectively take care of anyone else if you aren’t caring for yourself, so mind what you read and who you are with. Remind yourself that you are pretty terrific and that you have every reason to maintain some healthy self confidence. If you don’t, no one else can do it for you. 


  1. Excellent advice. I’m still thinking this over. For this to work, it’s a good idea to already have a good sense of self-esteem and confidence.

    1. Absolutely, but just like anything else, start from where you are and hopefully it will only get better and easier!

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